How It Happened (A Weight Pondering)

I know that I made it sound as if I was going to do consecutive posts on my Children's Literature class -- and that was the plan -- but a thought occurred to me yesterday morning.  When I have thoughts, I either have to say them or write them to finally stop thinking about them, so blogs are the lucky victims.

I was thinking about my weight and how it came to be.  I'm not a huge girl or anything, but I am overweight; I think technically obese, but I feel like I would rather take information like that from a doctor instead of the trustworthy internet.  At the same time, I've been told that I do not look like I weigh (insert three digit number here) pounds. 

I am a vegetarian, which I feel is something that both hurts and helps my diet.  Why I say it may be hurting my diet is because as a child (and even now, since I'm thinking about it), when people didn't know what else to add to my meal to make it "whole" they would add pasta, rice, or something starchy and carb-y.

What made me start thinking about this, I believe, is my current soda intake.  As a child, I would down Cokes all the time -- from the time I got off of the school bus to the time that my mother picked me up from my grandparents.  They finally started limiting it to two per day when they began thinking the caffeine and sugar was keeping me awake at night.  (Yeah. It doesn't matter if I have caffeine or not, I end up staying up to all hours of the night.  Perhaps it's genetic?)  My question now as I look back on it is why didn't they buy some of the diet or diet, caffeine-free drinks?  That would have solved the problem of sugars and caffeine, but would have still allowed me the sweet, carbonated goodness and gradually ween myself off of it.

I finally came to the conclusion that part of the blame for my weight issues is that I was never really taught how to eat.  Well, I know how to eat, per-se, but I was never taught how to eat healthy.  I honestly don't think that anyone told me as a child that being full and being stuffed were not the same thing.  I know that sounds utterly simple, and as an adult I realize how simple it is to realize and control, but as a child, I did not know and I never really came to the conclusion on my own.

There were times when my mother would be planning out dinner and ask for suggestions.  When I replied with something I liked (of course, the breads, pastas, rices, etc.) she would take the rest of the meal into consideration and mention if we had another starch, saying that it would be too much.  I don't remember this much in my earlier years, though, only when I became more health conscious.

I am not blaming anyone but myself, although it may seem that way.  I should have known and enforced my limit on eating.  After I was told to cut back on the Cokes, I should have done so and not slipped a few extras from time to time.  I should give up sodas all together again, but even as I write this, I am drinking a Monster: Absolute Zero.  (Yes, it is one in the morning.  No, I don't care.)  I saw myself gaining weight and didn't do anything about it.  In my late teens, I saw myself gaining weight and decided that I was going to do something about it.  My motivation?  I didn't want to have to shop in what my mother calls "the big girl sizes."  I was dangerously close to it, too.  Since then, I have dropped three sizes.

As the summer begins, I know that I am slacking.  I had become lax on my diet and I noticed the tole it was taking on my body and mind.  Every time I put something even relatively unhealthy in my mouth, my brain shouted at me; later, my stomach rumbled and cramped to punish me.  Even on my "cheat days," I had to be conscious of what I was eating, even if it was less healthy.  I'm not a full-time student over the summer, so I do not get free gym membership at my school. 

I've been stuck at the same weight for three months and it's my own fault.  Although I was embarrassed to do so, I asked my doctor if there was anything that I might be able to take that could help me with my weight loss; apparently, my thyroid problems also hinder my progress.  He told me that I was a perfect candidate for Adipex.  (I'm still not sure how to take his wording.  A perfect candidate?)  I picked up my prescription on Monday and began taking them on Tuesday.  I think it's too early to tell if they have really had an effect, or if it is just psychosomatic.  Hopefully in the long run, it will pay off.

That seemed rather successful.  Now that I have written all of this out, I don't feel the urge to dwell upon it anymore.  Thank you again, blog.  You have helped me clear my mind.